Mat leave frustration..

I remember when I came back to work when my previous mat leave finished I was so upset at me, because I compared myself to other moms and I saw that lots of them went to school, started a business, they did lots of productive things and.. it’s not that I didn’t do anything myself, I was doing lots of activities with Mia during the morning but ALL of my time I dedicated to her, so I told to myself that if I had another baby, this time I’ll be super productive with my time during my mat leave, and so far.. is WORSE than with Mia. Now there is no time! Between a 4 month old who want me all for himself and wants to be feed every 2-4 hours and a 3 year old who wants ALL of my attention, I can barely have a shower.. mmm I can barely leave the bed in the morning.. l i t e r a l l y. Talking with one of my friends last time, both of us were saying that we wanted to start a business, but for that, you need to thing.. and it is impossible to do it staying at home with these two. It sucks because I know that when is time for me to return to a full time job, I will have even less time because i’ll be adding more to the plate. It gets me upset not having time to seat and think! It gets me upset that i’m not going to be able to stay at home with them! I left Mia in a full time daycare and I really like the daycare because she socialize, learns and play but.. she is doing all of that with me by her side! And that’s what I like! I get to choose what she is going to learn, with whom she is going to socialize, I get to train her and teach her and even tho i’m like a zoombie and feeling like this, I truly enjoy being able to stay with them! And the worst part is that I know that now that Mia is going to start her activities ( after the really loooong summer break) and Matias is getting older, things are going to get better but.. am I going to have enough time to set up anything? It’s so unfair! It is unfair that when it would be finally time to enjoy there is going to be little or none time to seat and think, it’s unfair that they are sooo cute when they are newborns and infants but you don’t get to enjoy them as much as you would want to because you are extremely tired and it’s unfair that you have more time for you when they don’t want to be with you anymore.. and finally.. it is unfair that they would not going to want to be with you at some point.

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